When Christmas Meets LOTR

I’ve been sitting in my office for the past two hours alternating between numbness and tears over the most recent mass shooting in California (the most recent one today, I should say, because we are clearly no longer content with our current shooting-to-day ratio), and I am nearly desperate to not feel so broken and hopeless.  So, I’ve decided to post a little something I have been working on.

I enjoy rewriting songs a la Weird Al Yankovic.  I am not nearly as talented as that, but it amuses me so I do it.  One of the songs I’ve been listening to a lot lately due to the upcoming holidays is “Mary Did You Know?” by Pentatonix.

As I was making the 30 minute commute to work yesterday, I thought to myself, “Self, how wonderful would this be if it was about Lord of the Rings instead?”  To myself, I replied, “It would be pretty fucking wonderful.”  So, I made that happen.  I present to you…

Frodo Did You Know?

Frodo, did you know
that your uncle’s ring had once belonged to Sauron?
Frodo, did you know
that your uncle’s ring would lead to mass destruction?
Did you know
that your uncle’s ring was searched for by Nazgul?
‘Cause Sauron wants a body and the ring will be his tool.
Frodo, did you know
that your uncle’s ring would lead you from the Shire?
Frodo, did you know
that your uncle’s ring would bring down Sauron’s ire?
Did you know
that your uncle’s ring would come with such great cost?
You must throw it into Mt. Doom before Middle Earth is lost.

 

Frodo, did you know… Ooo Ooo Ooo

The Orcs will come.
The Goblins march.
And Isengard betrays.
The Ents will rage.
The Horselords ride
And Samwise never strays.

Frodo, did you know
that your uncle’s ring would take you into Mordor?
Frodo, did you know
that your uncle’s ring would be the cause of this war?
Did you know
that your uncle’s ring has brought about this gloom?
The evil forged within it must die in Mt. Doom.

So there’s that.
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